


The One With the Play Dates

by LokiOfSassgaard



Category: Friends (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-25
Updated: 2010-02-25
Packaged: 2018-05-28 01:43:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6309376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LokiOfSassgaard/pseuds/LokiOfSassgaard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ross and Rachel have lunch with a couple from Rachel's work. Phoebe and Monica struggle to care for two infants and a five year old. Chandler's daily commute is disrupted when a woman feels him up on the train.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The One With the Play Dates

An hour-long commute by train was the newest addition to Chandler's list, right underneath Chinese food at five in the morning. Yeah, he loved owning his own house, and he didn't have to turn up his television real high to drown out Loud in Bed Lady, but at seven o'clock in the morning, he really missed being able to leave the apartment and be at work fifteen minutes later. And he didn't dare try to catnap on the train. The last time he'd trid to do that, several years ago, he'd woken up in Jamaica.

Once situated on the train, he pulled a dog-eared paperback out of his briefcase and opened it to the page marked with a shopping receipt. The book was one he'd read at least a dozen times, and he did not care that a 35 year old man reading a Star Warsbook was just a little sad.

As he read, he barely noticed a woman sit next to him. She watched him read for a few moments before drawing attention to him.

"What's it about?" she asked.

"Hmm?" Chandler looked up at her, folding the book shut over his fingers. Something about the woman seemed oddly familiar, but he couldn't place her. "Oh, it's a Star Wars book. X-Wing: Rogue Squadron."

"Oh, like the movie?" she asked, feigning interest.

"No, it's only C-Canon," Chandler responded automatically. "It takes place in the same universe, but it doesn't tie in with any of the movies at all..." Realising what he was doing, he returned his attention to his book, muttering insults to himself.

The woman seemed predictably completely disinterested in his book, and she began looking through her handbag for something as Chandler read on. It took him a few moments to realise that the hand that was suddenly on his thigh was not there by accident. As he glanced down to figure out what was going on, the woman's hand moved to his package.

"Woah!" Chandler shouted, jumping up at the contact. He tried to reel backwards, but only manage d to press himself against the window. "No, no, no! None—none of that!"

"What?" the woman asked. "It's a great way to meet guys."

Chandler frowned and thrust his book at her. "Well... some guys don't exactly like to be met... that way!"

"Ohh," the woman said knowingly. She reached out for his left hand, and pointed at his ring. "Right, Massachusetts just legalised that, didn't they?"

"What?" Chandler demanded, taking his hand back. "Oh, my god! No!"  
* * *  
"I'm tellin' ya, man," Joey insisted. "Totally fake."

Ross looked over the back of the sofa. "They so are not," he said.

"You remember Janine?" Joey asked. "They look just like hers. They're fake. You can tell by how stiff they are."

"No, way." Ross shook his head. He started to form another argument for the authenticity of the flower arrangements on the tables when Chandler burst throu gh the doors and made a line straight for the sofa.

"You guys, you will not believe what just happened to me on the train," he said, fidgeting worse than usual.

"You finally realised how ridiculous you look with your hair that short?" Joey asked.

Chandler nervously ran his hand over his head before snapping back to attention. "No," he snapped. "I was on the train, reading my book—"

"The new Dark Tower?" Ross asked casually.

"No, I'm still on the waitlist for that one. Rogue Squadron again," Chandler replied, easily derailed.

Ross nodded. "Ah, right."

"So, what happened?" Joey prompted.

"Well, Corran just made lieutenant and—"

"On the train!" Joey clarified angrily.

"Oh, right!" Chandler sat down in the chair, leaning forward over his knees. "Well, I was reading my book, and this woman next to me asked me what I was reading. I told her, and... the same thing that happened just now happened, and I th ought she was just going to ignore me like every other woman in New York does, but then she sort of... grabbed me in my... area."

Ross and Joey looked at him blankly.

"What area?" Ross asked.

Chandler gave him a look that all but begged Ross not to make him say it aloud. "Ya know. My..." he cleared his throat and pointed at his lap.

"Oh!" Ross and Joey both said in unison.

"So, what happened next?" Joey asked, grinning widely.

"I did what I always do," Chandler said. "I panicked!"

"You ran away, didn't you?" Joey asked flatly.

Chandler didn't have to answer. The way he nervously shifted in his seat confirmed Joey's suspicions.

"Dude, you're married to my sister," Ross reminded him harshly.

"Yu-huh!" Chandler agreed. "Why do you think I panicked? The only person allowed down there is Monica, and if she finds out about this, she'll flip!"

"Yeah, Monica can be pretty possessive," Ross agreed distantly.

"Yu-huh!" Chandler repeated.

"So, hang on," Joey said calmly. "Some random woman sees you on the train, and feels you up, and you're freaking out about it? I only got two questions."

Chandler wasn't sure that he wanted to know what either of them was. "What?" he asked cautiously.

"Why're you being such a girl about this, first of all, and second: what did she look like?" Joey leaned closer, all but ready to take notes.

"I don't know. Tall, dark hair," Chandler answered automatically. "Why?"

"No reason," Joey said as he got up from the sofa. "Hey, I just remembered, I gotta go... be... somewhere for... something."

Ross and Chandler watched as he rushed out the door, nearly colliding with Rachel as she walked into the coffee house.

"What's going on with him?" she asked as she neared the sofa.

"Oh, he's trying to find this woman that felt Chandler up on the train," Ross said simply as Rachel sat down next to him, holding Emma on her knees.

Chandler held out his hands, unable to believe Ross' insane honesty. "This is how we're keeping this from Monica?" he asked. "By telling everyone?"

"Oh, yeah," Rachel said, nodding slowly. "Don't let her find out about that. I'm surprised she hasn't had 'Property of Monica Geller' tattooed on your forehead yet."

"So let's not tell her about this, please?" Chandler begged.

Ross and Rachel both shrugged indifferently.

"All right," Rachel said distantly. "Anyway, Ross, I just got a call from Cindy, and she wants to know if we can move the play date to tomorrow?"

Ross nodded. "Uhm, yeah. Okay," he said easily. "Any... particular reason?"

Rachel shrugged. "I don't know. Something about her husband's work. She was kinda vague about it."

"Uhm," Chandler said, cutting in. "Usually, when I'm this ignorant in one of your conversations, it's because you're talking about baby stuff. Is this s omething I should be made aware of? Now, or eventually."

"Oh, well, Emma won't be starting preschool for another couple of years, but it's good for her to learn how to socialise with other kids her age as soon as possible," Rachel explained. "There's a woman at Thomas Pink that has a son Emma's age, so we're going over to her place for dinner, and so little Kenny and Emma can get to know each other."

Chandler blinked. "How much socialising can a two-year-old even do?" he asked. "Isn't she more interested in pulling curtains down at this age?"

Ross looked down at his watch. "How much socialising should you even be doing?" he volleyed back. "Don't you have work?"

Chandler cleared his throat awkwardly before getting to his feet and walking out of the coffee house.

"To think," Rachel said, watching him go. "Someone put him in charge of their kids."

"Oh, yeah," Ross agreed. "Those kids don't stand a chance."  
* * *  
Joey stood against the wall at the Bleecker Street station, watching the countless people getting on and off the train. Going off the description from Chandler, this mystery girl could be anybody. He'd already been slapped about five times, asking different tall, dark-haired women if they had felt up his friend, so he figured it was about time that he amended his strategy.

He'd have to just start riding the trains and subways until someone felt him up. He was Dr. Drake Ramoray; someone was bound to try to get fresh with him at some point, if he rode around for long enough. He stepped up to the ticket queue and got himself a Metro Card, just in time for the next train to pull up to the platform. The car he'd boarded was standing room only, and full of tall, dark-haired people.

This was going to be a long day.  
* * *  
Phoebe walked into the coff ee house and stopped dead in her tracks when she saw Chandler sleeping on the sofa. After a moment of worry, she checked her watch. Not believing the time it displayed, she turned to the man seated at the table near the door and checked his watch.

"Sorry, I just gotta check something," she said by way of explanation, ignoring the offended look on the man's face as she wrenched his hand around to see the small dial clearly.

Either both their watches were wrong, or plans had been changed and no one told her. She was inclined to go with the second one.

"Okay, thanks." She let go of the man's hand and walked over to the sofa. Chandler was there, in his suit, with a cup of coffee on the table. Not sure what else to do, Phoebe pushed his head forward, waking him up.

"There are other places you can stay, you know," she informed him. "I sort of expected she'd do this any day now, actually."

Chandler blinked as he rolled his head to look up at her. "What?" h e snapped.

"Couples fight. It happens," Phoebe said simply. "I'm sure Joey would be glad to take you back in."

"No," Chandler insisted, rubbing his eyes. "I just... took an earlier train in this morning. Monica and I are fine."

"Oh," Phoebe said. "Why, what's wrong with your regular train?" She sat down next to him and took his coffee.

Chandler shifted uncomfortably. "There was... a woman on it," he answered quietly.

Phoebe laughed at him. "Jeez, Chandler," she said. "I know Monica can be possessive, but she's not that bad. There are women in here, too. You don't expect her to make you get coffee somewhere else, do you?"

"No!" Chandler insisted. "I mean... there was a woman on the train, and she touched me... there."

"There?" Phoebe didn't get it. "So she touched you? Trains can be crowded."

"No, there," Chandler said through his teeth. "As in, where only my wife is supposed to touch me."

"Oh!" Phoebe starte d to get upset on his behalf, but calmed quickly. "Wait, so? What's the big deal?"

"So," Chandler started, upset. "So... why am I being such a girl about this?" He realised that he couldn't really figure out why it had been such a big deal. Other than he was slightly worried over what might happen if Monica found out.

Well, not so much worried, as... apprehensive. The woman could be scary sometimes, especially when she was jealous.

"Well," Phoebe said, checking her watch and handing Chandler the empty cup of coffee. "I'd offer to give you a ride home after work, but I have to meet Monica at your place in like, half an hour."

Chandler looked down at the cup, wondering why he hadn't gotten to enjoy what he'd paid for. "Thanks, by the way," he said, shrugging it off. "Monica and I appreciate this. And I swear, it'll only be until we find a nanny we like."

"I like the twins," Phoebe said happily. "I took care of the triplets all the ti me, remember? Your kids'll be easier, because there are fewer of them."

Chandler shrugged at that logic, watching as she got to her feet. As she spun round to head for the door, it opened suddenly, and a very frazzled Frank rushed into the coffee house, Frank Jr Jr in tow.

"Oh, Phoebe you're here," he sighed. "Thank god."

"Frank," Phoebe gasped. "What—what're you doing here?"

"You gotta take Frank Jr Jr for me," he pleaded, nudging the child in her direction. "Just for a couple of days. Leslie and Chandler are at my mom's, but she can't handle all three of them. He's got nowhere else to go."

Phoebe blinked and cocked her head lightly. "Heh?" she asked. "What—what about Alice's sister?"

"That's... actually the reason I need you to take him," Frank said. "I don't wanna say anything in front of the kids, so I'll call you later, okay? Thanks!"

"Oh, uhm..." Phoebe looked to Chandler, expecting him to disallow the boy in his house, but he just shrugged indifferently. "Okay, sure. I'll be at Chandler and Monica's today, so call me there. Or my cell. Doesn't matter."

"Great!"

Frank pulled her into a tight hug. It lasted only a few moments before he rushed out of the coffee house, tripping slightly as he reached the sidewalk. From inside, they watched as he hailed a cab.

"Wonder what that was all about?" Chandler wondered aloud, watching as Frank Jr Jr began pulling down one of the decorative curtains from the wall. "Anyway, I'm gonna go... sleep at my desk or something." He got up, stopping to kiss Phoebe lightly on the cheek. "Thanks again, Phoebs."

She smiled warmly and watched him go before reaching for her wayward nephew. "All right, Uncle Chandler's got plenty of great stuff to break at his house!" she said excitedly. "Let's go!"  
* * *  
They walked through the cheery halls, Ross carrying Emma on his hip while Rachel searched for the correct number. After two wrong floors, they were certain that they were on the right track, finally.

"Oh, there it is!" Rachel declared, pointing to a door at the end of the hall. "Twenty six C!"

"Whoever designed this building should be shot," Ross decided as Emma pulled on his shirt collar. "There needs to be regular search parties to find everyone who got lost."

"Oh, Ross, let it go." Rachel hefted her handbag and purse onto her shoulder before knocking on the door.

"Are they even home?" Ross asked. "Because that would—"

He was cut off when the door was opened, and a woman a few years younger than Rachel greeted them.

"Rachel, hi!" she said. "And this must be Ross and Emma!"

"Yeah," Rachel said easily. "Ross, this is Cindy. She works in my department."

"Charmed," Ross said. He tried to offer her his hand, but he couldn't figure out how to hold Emma without her squirming right out of his grip.

"W ell, come on in," Cindy said. "Dan just got home. He'll be out in a minute."

Ross and Rachel followed her inside. The apartment was small, but in the way Joey's apartment was small – it managed to not feel cramped or cluttered despite everything being so close.

"Go ahead and put Emma with Kenny over by the TV," Cindy said, pointing to a large play pen.

"You have a wonderful apartment," Rachel said honestly, noticing a subtle sponge-texture to the paint. "I love this... thing you've done with the walls."

"Oh, isn't it great?" Cindy asked as she made her way to the kitchen. "It was Dan's idea. Thought that it would hide smudgy little handprints."

Rachel nodded. "That's a good idea," she agreed. Not that Ross would ever go for it. He'd flipped out when she suggested changing the walls from that horrible yellow colour that they were.

A door opened on the other side of the apartment, and Rachel turned round to greet this Dan person. Her smile quickly faded when she saw him, stopped in his tracks as he stared awkwardly at her.

"Oh," she said quietly. "Hi... Danny."  
* * *  
Phoebe knocked twice on the door before letting herself in with her key. The house looked exactly as it had two nights ago – completely trashed by Monica standards, or like someone actually lived there by anyone else's standards.

The house was also quiet, unlike two nights ago. Phoebe automatically reached out and took Frank Jr Jr by the hand.

"Okay, kiddo," she said quietly. "I think everyone's asleep, so you gotta be quiet, okay?"

"Why?" Frank Jr Jr asked.

"Because if you don't, Monica's gonna be pissed," Phoebe explained.

"Why?" the child repeated.

"Because she's—"

"Phoebe?" Monica asked suddenly. Phoebe looked up to see her at the stairs, wearing one of Chandler's bowling shirts, which fit her like a circus tent. "Uhm, I don 't remember ordering another one."

Phoebe ushered her nephew over to the sofa. "I'm so sorry, Mon. Frank cornered me. I couldn't get out of it!"

"Why?" Monica demanded.

"I—I don't know why!" Phoebe snapped loudly. Realising, she slapped her hand over her mouth. "I don't know why," she repeated quietly. "I was in the coffee house talking to Chandler, and Frank rushed in and then rushed right back out."

Monica walked down the stairs and looked at Frank Jr Jr, who had begun tearing one of her coasters into tiny little pieces.

"Well, what are we going to do with him?" Monica asked. "We can't put him in the nursery because the babies are asleep, and we can't put him in Joey's room because of all his... 'romance magazines' up there, and we can't put him in the guest room because it's too pretty."

Phoebe rolled her eyes. "Look, he's fine down here," she insisted. She grabbed the rest of the coasters and put them on the coffee table in fr ont of Frank Jr Jr. "Keep these things coming, and he'll be entertained for hours."  
* * *  
"Will you... excuse us, for just a minute?" Rachel asked politely.

Cindy smiled, not seeming to realise anything was wrong. "Oh, sure. Go right ahead."

Smiling back, Rachel grabbed Ross by his jacket and pulled him into the bathroom, shutting the door behind them.

"Oh, my god, Ross, we can't do this," she hissed.

"What? Why?" Ross demanded. "We came all the way up here, got lost in the labyrinth out there, and you're saying we can't do this? Why?"

"Because that's Danny," Rachel said. The blank look on Ross' face suggested that he had no idea what she was on about. "Danny. Monica and I thought he was a yeti. I dated him for a while, and he had that really creepy sister."

"Oh, right," Ross said, nodding slowly. "The one in her underwear, right?"

"Yes!"

Ross shrugged. "So what?" he asked. "So you dated him? Big deal. He's married now."

"But," Rachel started.

"She never mentioned anything about the sister being here," Ross pointed out.

"But," Rachel repeated.

"And you picked these people out," Ross continued.

"But!"

"And now we're being just as creepy," Ross said. "Who goes to the bathroom together?" Before Rachel could interject again, he opened the door and walked out to the living room to properly greet Danny.  
* * *  
It was day two of his search, and Joey had decided to start at Grand Central station. He'd gone the extra mile today and even tried dressing like Chandler with a sweater vest over his shirt, figuring maybe this mystery girl had a thing for that dorky sort of look.

He stood near the ticketing queue, watching as people came and went. One woman caught his eye – tall, dark hair – so he smiled at her.

"Hey," he said easily.

She looked over at him, smiling nervously. "Hi."

"How you doin'?" His smile quickly faded when she reached into her handbag and backed slowly out of the queue. Realising something was going horribly wrong, Joey quickly fled the scene.

After the girl had left, Joey stepped into the ticket queue. Maybe the subway was the wrong way to go. He'd take a commuter train, instead. As he stepped up to the counter, he looked over all of the signs and time tables.

"When's the next train out to... Westchester?" he asked, saying the last word slowly.

The man behind the counter consulted a time table. "About five minutes," he answered simply.

"Great!" Joey said. "Oh, hey. And ministers ride this thing for free, right?"

The man blinked at him. "No," he said. "If you want to ride the train, you need to have a ticket."

Joey nodded and pulled out his wallet. "Right, then I'm gonna need one of those."

He paid for his tick et and found the appropriate platform, startled to see the girl from earlier standing nearby. She noticed him too, and reached into her handbag again, prompting Joey to back away slightly.

"Woah," he said easily. "I'll just... go over here."

As the train pulled up, Joey made sure to get in a different car from her. On the train, he found an open window seat and sat down, at this point just waiting for anything to happen.  
* * *  
Monica held Jack in her arms as she rushed around the kitchen, trying to put together something resembling lunch.

"So, which one do I have, again?" Phoebe asked from the table, trying to figure out why the baby in her arms wouldn't take the bottle.

"Erica," Monica answered. "She can be really fussy, so if she doesn't want the bottle, don't worry about it."

"Oh, okay." Phoebe put the bottle on the table and started bouncing her slightly. "Hey, Frank Jr Jr!" she c alled. "I think lunch is almost ready."

A few moments later, the boy walked into the kitchen, holding a pack of cigarettes in his hand, and an unlit cigarette in his mouth. Phoebe gasped and got up quickly to take the offending items from him.

"Where did you get this?" she demanded.

"Get what?" Monica turned round, and gasped as well when she saw what Phoebe was holding. "Oh, my god! Where was he hiding that?"

Frank Jr Jr pointed toward the living room. "Behind the TV," he said simply.

Monica took the cigarettes from Phoebe and put them on the counter. "Okay, first, don't go behind the TV," she said. "And second, did you find any more?"

Frank Jr Jr pulled another pack from his pockets and handed it up to Monica. "This one was in the couch," he said.

Monica put the cigarettes next to the other pack and knelt down in front of Frank Jr Jr. "Okay, we're going to play a game! You like games, right?"

Frank Jr Jr nodded. "Is th ere a prize?" he asked.

Phoebe and Monica exchanged a tentative glance. "Well, that depends on how well you do," Monica decided.  
* * *  
He couldn't remember when he'd fallen asleep, but being woken up in the break room by Steve. Chandler sat up quickly and looked around. When had he even gone to the break room?

"Everything all right, Bing?" Steve asked cautiously.

Chandler looked up at him, brushing what he hoped were muffin crumbs from his face. "What? Yeah," he said tiredly.

Steve sat down at the table next to him. "You sure?" he asked quietly. Far as Chandler could tell, he didn't seem like he was about to start getting angry.

"Yeah, it's just the twins gave us a rough night," Chandler said, sighing. "Erica woke up and started crying, and that woke up Jack, and now he was crying so we couldn't get Erica back to sleep." It wasn't exactly a lie.

Steve nodded sympathetically. "Sou nds rough," he agreed. "Listen, I've been meaning to talk to you for a while, now."

"Oh-oh," Chandler said aloud. "Listen, if it's about... this, then—"

"Relax, it's not that kind of talk," Steve assured. "I know your situation at home's a little crazy right now, and we're taking on a few new departments since the merge last month."

"Kay," Chandler said cautiously, not at all sure where this was going. "Oh! I just want to make it clear that by saying 'kay,' I haven't actually agreed to anything. I was just... acknowledging that I heard and understood."

"You sure you're all right, Bing?" Steve looked around the break room and then leaned in a bit closer to Chandler. "Why don't we go up to my office, and talk there?"  
* * *  
Emma and Kenny sat on opposite ends of the playpen, both completely absorbed in the small stuffed animals they were holding. They hadn't so much as looked at one anoth er at all, and as far as Rachel could tell, hadn't even noticed the existence of the other.

Rachel watched the children from the table, where she was trying to have a conversation with Danny and Cindy. Sure, Ross had been right, and the inappropriate sister wasn't there, but she still couldn't look at Danny without seeing him behaving that way with her.

"So, the line up for the summer catalogue is looking really promising," Cindy said awkwardly.

"What?" Rachel asked. "Oh, yeah. Fantastic."

"Honey," Danny said, his voice stiff. "I don't really think Ross wants to talk about your little dress-up games."

Cindy and Rachel started to protest, but were cut off by Ross.

"Oh, do you have that problem, too?" he asked. "That's all I can get Rachel to talk about some days. Fabrics and cuts and I have no idea what she's talking about."

Danny laughed. "Oh, I know!" he agreed. "I keep telling her that the only people who care about fashion are the ones in fashion."

"That's not true," Rachel argued. "Plenty of people care about fashion."

Danny shrugged lightly. "Okay," he said.

"I still hate that," Rachel snipped.

Cindy looked between the two of them. "Wait, what?" she asked, confused.

Rachel laughed nervously. "Oh, this is awkward," she said, turning toward Cindy. "The two of us? We... used to date," she explained. "Years ago. It's ancient history now."

"Ancient," Danny agreed.

"Oh," Cindy said. "Well, that's, uhm... oh."

The four of them looked away from one another, suddenly finding interest in random objects across the room, when the front door opened. Rachel turned, not expecting anyone else to be coming over, and gasped when she saw Danny's sister walk in.

"Oh, you have got to be kidding me," Rachel muttered to herself.

"Christa, hey," Danny said, smiling. "You remember Rachel, right?"

Christa stopped by the door. "Oh. Yeah," she said. She sounded just as surprised as Rachel felt. "Uhm, hi." She shut the door and walked over to the table where the four of them sat. "I'm gonna let you guys do your thing. I'll be in my room."

She bent down and kissed her brother on the mouth before rushing off to one of the bedrooms. As she left, Rachel kicked Ross under the table as a way of telling him that she'd told him so.  
* * *  
The pile of cigarette packs on the counter had grown to an alarming size, and Frank Jr Jr didn't show any signs of stopping. After finding another pack under the kitchen sink, Monica had sent him outside.

"I found another one, but it's stuck!" Frank Jr Jr called through the door.

"Where!?" Monica rushed out to see where he'd found it. He was on the ground, pointing between The Dog's legs. She knelt down, finding the taped pack and lighter. "So that's why he kept this stupid thing!"

She pulled the ci garettes off of the dog and took them inside, slapping the pack down next to the other six.

"Do you think that's all of them?" Phoebe asked.

"I don't know!" Monica wailed. "How can I trust him now, after... this?"

"Okay, Monica, you need to like, take a pill right now," Phoebe said. "It's not like you've just caught him cheating on you."

Monica turned on her. "What?" she asked. "He's cheating on me?"

"No!" Phoebe insisted. "So he's got a secret. So what?"

"Well, this is the last secret he's going to be keeping from me," Monica insisted. "We're supposed to be—"

"So be," Phoebe interrupted, getting to her feet. "Why can't a man have secrets? You have secrets."

Monica faltered slightly. "No. No, I don't," she said, backing away slightly. "I tell Chandler everything."

Phoebe crossed her arms over her chest. "Then you won't mind if I tell him that you clean apartments after you're done a JaVu?"

Monica gasped and covered her face with her hands. "You wouldn't!"

"No, I won't," Phoebe agreed. "Because how do you think he'd react? Well... probably how you're reacting right now, actually. But that's the point!"

"But this is different," Monica insisted.

"How?"

"Because..." She looked round the kitchen. "It just is."

"Okay, Monica, the man deserves to have at least one secret," Phoebe said flatly. "You've already got him so whipped that he pre-emptively jumps!"

"Yeah, he does do things without needing to be told," Monica agreed.

"You know how mean he gets when he tries to quit," Phoebe pointed out. "Do you really want to put up with that again? Because I don't."

Monica rubbed her hand up and down along her arm, looking down at the floor. "Okay, we've got to put all these back!" she decided suddenly. "He's gonna be home pretty soon."

She and Phoebe both took half of the stack and scrambled to opposite ends of the house.  
* * *  
Rachel picked Emma up from the floor, realising that she and Kenny were never going to play with one another.

"Doesn't that bother you?" she asked Cindy, who stood nearby. "He's your husband, and he kisses his sister like that."

Cindy shrugged indifferently. "What do you mean?" she asked. "Didn't you have any brothers or sisters?"

"Yeah, two sisters," Rachel answered.

"Oh, then you know." Cindy smiled and moved a few toys around in Kenny's playpen.

"Know—know—know what?" Rachel asked. She took a hesitant step closer, not sure where this conversation was going.

"That's just normal sibling behaviour," Cindy said innocently.

"No, it's not." Rachel couldn't believe what she was hearing. "Do you know what my sisters and I did? We tried to make each other as miserable as possible. That's normal sibling behaviour."

Cindy stood up straight and shook her head. " No," she said slowly. "That's just mean."

"That's kids," Rachel pointed out.

Behind them, the front door opened, and a man Rachel had never seen before stepped inside, hanging his coat next to the door.

"Oh, hey, Paul!" Cindy said, rushing over to greet him.

As she moved away, Ross stepped closer to Rachel, leaning in to say something quietly to her. He stopped before he could even make a sound, watching as Cindy wrapped her arms round the man's neck and kissed him.

"Guys, this is my brother, Paul," she said. "Paul, Ross and Rachel."

Ross laughed nervously and snatched up Rachel's handbag from the table. "Ya know, I hate to rush out like this, but I've got a ... thing down at the university today, and I can't be late!" he said nervously. "Rachel."

"Oh, yeah," Rachel said quickly. "Cindy, I'll see you on Monday. It's been... weird."

They quickly rushed out of the apartment, waiting until they were down the hall before say ing anything.

"I told you they were weird," Rachel hissed.

"Yeah, well, you're the one who suggested this in the first place," Ross reminded her.

"You're the one who wanted to do more couples things," Rachel pointed out. They found the lift and Ross pressed the call button.

"I'm not gonna start making out with Monica just so you can feel like we're a couple," Ross snapped.

"Oh, that's not what I meant, and you know it!"

They stepped onto the lift, Rachel mashing the ground floor button until the doors slid shut. They rode down in silence, neither sure what their next move should be.

"Let's never do anything like this again," Ross said calmly as they stepped off.

"I'll cancel the lunch for next week," Rachel agreed.

"Ooh, but keep that class for Friday," Ross said, hopeful. "I still want to know how they combine sex and pottery."

"You don't already know?" Rachel asked, surprised.  
* * *  
Phoebe and Monica sat panting on the sofa as Frank Jr Jr ate ice cream right out of the container at the kitchen table.

"Did we get them all in the right place?" Monica asked quietly.

"Chandler's got short-term memory problems anyway. What does it matter?" Phoebe asked.

Monica sat forward and looked at Phoebe. "No, he doesn't," she said defensively.

"Oh." Phoebe blinked. "Who the hell am I thinking of, then?"

Before Monica could answer, the front door opened. Chandler stepped inside, dropping his briefcase to the floor.

"Shh! The babies are asleep!" Phoebe whispered at him.

"And they're upstairs. You don't have to whisper," Chandler pointed out calmly as he took off his jacket. "Honey, there's uhm... something I need to talk to you about."

"No, it's okay!" Monica insisted quickly.

Chandler blinked at her. "O...kay, but we still need to talk." He waited a few moments for P hoebe to get the hint and leave the room, but he soon realised that wasn't going to happen, so he continued anyway. "I had a talk with my boss at work. He wants to transfer me to a new department."

"Oh," Monica said. This was not the conversation she was expecting to have. "So, like a promotion?"

"No, like a transfer," Chandler said. "I'd be mostly working out of the office—"

"Chandler Bing, if you agreed to go to Tulsa again—" Monica hissed, cutting him off.

"No, as in from home," Chandler finished.

"Oh," Monica repeated. "I'm just gonna shut up and let you finish."

"Thank you." Chandler moved over to the sofa, sitting between Monica and Phoebe. "Honey, I know that when I took this job, I promised that I wouldn't be one of those guys that brings his work home with him, but if I do this, I only have to be in the office 15 hours a week. This way, I can be home more, and we don't have to rush to find a nanny." He too k both her hands in his. "I haven't agreed to anything yet, because I wanted to talk this over with—"

"Do it," Monica said automatically.

"Really? Just like that?" Chandler asked, surprised.

"When you took this job, we didn't have two babies," Monica pointed out. "It's hard enough to find a nanny as it is. Finding one that can handle two infants is starting to seem impossible."

Chandler smiled at her. "Okay," he said. "I'll go call Steve."

He got up and walked into the kitchen, reaching out to ruffle Frank Jr Jr's hair on the way.

"He's gonna go smoke, isn't he?" Monica asked.

"Oh, yeah," Phoebe said. "Why did you marry him, again?"  
* * *  
Joey had no idea where he was, or how long he'd been riding the train back and forth. He just got on the first train that pulled up to the platform, and hoping that it was going back to Manhattan, found an empty seat, where he almost immediately started to drift off to sleep. He was pulled back to consciousness suddenly when he felt something on his thigh. Looking down to see what his hands were getting up to without him realising it, he was surprised to see a woman's hand there, instead.

Slowly, he looked up to see who the hand belonged to. Dark hair, and probably tall – though it was hard to tell with them sitting down. He smiled at her, nodding slightly.

"How you doin'?" he asked.


End file.
